unbrokenoath | (no subject)

I know.

[ She doesn't bother to argue, but her anger seems to abate, somewhat. It's not so much the idea that she'd die--she knows that, she accepts that. Maybe it's that she wants to argue, she's his friend, too. In any other circumstance, she'd be right there, willing to take on anyone who'd hurt him. But now she has to be that person. ]

I know I'd die. That's a part of that vow. In death, sacrifice, etc etc.

[ She starts to pace, like an anxious animal in a cage. She can't go back on her oaths, this isn't about her, she has a very clear protocol to follow, one that she's seen for herself, one that she's always believed is necessary. It is necessary, she has to protect the Wardens, that's her job.

She rakes her hand through her hair, and kicks at the ground. ]

Maker damn it, Alistair, do you think I want to--? That I wouldn't deserve to have one of them come at me if I did? That I wouldn't just--just fucking let them?

[ The other Wardens had made it seem easier. There was a quiet, noble regret to it, a I Did What Must Be Done grim finality, not stomping around and throwing a fit over it. It's too many of her closely held beliefs violently colliding, her loyalty to her friends, and to the Wardens, doing the right thing and doing the good thing. She feels like a failure on both ends, for hesitating and for even considering it. ]

Well, [ Alistair says, not nearly as worked up at the idea of dying as Kaisa is at the idea of killing him, ] I guess that's a little flattering.

[ Which isn't to say he agrees or understands or has developed any intention of budging. He crosses his arms, looking at her, and gives the issue of What Will Happen If Kaisa Kills Him a few moments of respectful silence before he pushes forward with other matters: ]

So... what? You think we're going to bounce back from killing our own, and binding demons, and taking over a country? We'll have recruits who say oh, all of that is fine, but Maker forbid I drink any blood?

Well, I mean, it's not like anyone really cares about the Anderfels.

[ At least, Kaisa doesn't care, and also it's stupid and dusty, so who else would care?? ]

But seriously, do you think it'd really help? That--

[ She's still pacing, too much energy in one person's body. Finally, she stops, spinning around to face Alistair. ]

What if you just told her about that? About why the Wardens did that? How we all thought we were dying, and we were going to leave Thedas with two archdemns and no Wardens.

[ Alistair continues to look stubborn and mildly sullen while Kaisa flits around, arms crossed and eyebrows slanted--not fidgeting or rocking on his feet because he's diverting all of his considerable energy into being an immovable object composed entirely of certainty.

But then she stops acting like an unstoppable force. So that means he doesn't have to be quite so immovable, either. He pauses, considering her like she's trying to sell him something-- ]

And why we thought so.

[ Negotiation! Maybe no one will die here. ]

That Corypheus can influence us. People need to know to be wary if Wardens elsewhere start acting strangely.

[ Maybe Kaisa will die, just so she can continue to be a stubborn jackass. There are worse reasons to die.

But not yet! Instead, she props her hands on her hips, listening to Alistair--and nodding along. ]

I--I don't want to start a witch hunt for Wardens, and have them start getting tossed on the pyre if they're just being a little weird, [ Or Rafael and Scorpio will never come back, RIFP ] but--they should know to keep an eye out. Explain what the signs of bad shit going down are. I mean, those blank looks on their faces, like...like someone went and slapped a tranquil brand on them.

[ Despite the frown on her face, she's clearly warming up to the idea. ]

That could work. People wouldn't be confused and fearful, but they wouldn't be running us outta towns.

I suppose, [ Alistair says, ~~suddenly tan~~ less resentfully than he could. But still a little resentfully. Far more resentfully than he has any right to, considering the whole old god baby thing that could still come back to cause the end of the world... adorably.

Still, it's less than he'd like, but enough. For now. ]

So... can I live?

No. It's illegal t' be a smartass.

[ She reaches out to Alistair, but if he doesn't assume this is actually a bare handed attempt on his life and stops her, then she just reaches up to ruffle his hair. Her expression is parts tired, exasperated, and relieved. ]

...Are we okay? I mean--I wouldn't blame you for being pissed.

[ Considering the whole death threat thing. ]

I just--There's so few of us left. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want history to point at us and say, 'look at those assholes, they fucked shit up good'. I've always thought, if we do what we're supposed to, if we do what we've been doing for a thousand years, if we stay the path, we'll get through this.

Nothing like this has happened before, [ Alistair says, too stubborn not to, but he shakes his head afterwards. ] We're fine. If I held a grudge against everyone who's ever considered killing me, I wouldn't have any friends at all.