[ Pursuant to this, and because Anders isn't personally in Skyhold, and because the list of people who want to hit him is very long anyway and we all feel bad about that, and because he was basically invited
Dax finds Kaisa out on the grounds with assistance from helpful people with their helpful pointer fingers elsewhere, comes to a stop in front of her, and smiles. It isn't a particularly dangerous smile! And he's like six inches shorter than she is. But if she's good at accents, his is super Kirkwaller, so maybe that's a warning sign. ]
[ Kaisa did, in fact, invite people, so she's not particularly surprised when a random elf shows up. She's not superb at accents, but she can tell that he's a Free Marcher, at least, and he's asking for a Warden. She doesn't show any suspicions, however. In fact, she just sets the sword down--because she's not going to use a massive sword on a tiny elf--and turns to look at him, granting him a dazzling grin. ]
I'm a Warden, possibly That Warden, if you're looking for the most attractive one.
[ She wiggles her eyebrows at him. Who cares if he possibly wants to try punching her face in, that's not going to stop her from flirting. If flirting counts as, you know, talking about how pretty you are. ]
[ He doesn't look impressed. He doesn't stop smiling, either, but there's no widening in acknowledgment of her joking. (She's probably joking. She has to be joking. A human cannot be The Most Attractive Warden; surely there is an elf Warden somewhere, who automatically wins.) She wiggles her eyebrows; he nods, like he's making some sort of decision, and takes a swing at her face.
He's actually very good at punching people, for the record. It's his thing. If he meant to genuinely hurt her, for fun or for profit, he'd do a better job of it, starting with brass knuckles. But as it is, it's meant as a message more than a blow, an open swing with no disarming or distracting jabs as preface, bareknuckled, aimed upward for her jaw. ]
[ Kaisa lets him have the hit, because he's from Kirkwall, because he's a small elf, and because it takes balls to sucker punch someone who could twist you like a pretzel and drop you off at a bakery if she was so inclined. She takes the hit like someone who knows how to take hits (because you have to train newbies somehow, and because sometimes Kaisa does things that deserves getting hit and she fesses up to her mistakes). Her face moves with his face, and she takes a step back with it, so she doesn't get knocked off balance. Of course, it may just make things worse to obviously let him hit her without protest, but hey, maybe he'll appreciate it. Taking a hit she figures is owed is about the extent of Kaisa's diplomacy skills. ]
Duly noted. You got that out of your system, now?
[ She says it calmly, hand feeling where his fist landed. Her legs move as she turns to speak to him, subtly preparing for a more direct brawl if it's needed. He got his one free punch, and if he tries anything else, she'll have to deal with him. She isn't smiling anymore, but she still looks perfectly placid, still in control of the situation. ]
[Shortly after the announcement, there is a furious Vashoth mage beating the hell out of a training dummy with her staff. She'd use her spirit blade, but the dummy wouldn't last more than a swing or two. As it is, said dummy is on its last legs and will definitely need to be replaced. She doesn't notice if anyone approaches, too busy pretending that training dummy is Anders.]
[ Korrin hasn't directly approached her, but Kaisa isn't an idiot. She saunters over to the Vashoth, and leans against the fence, watching for a few moments. ]
Korrin, plenty of people here have a body count. Andraste's tits, the Commander of this whole damn thing tried to get the Circle in Ferelden annulled.
[ Thanks for that info, Anders. ]
...But no one said you had to be okay with it. We're just asking you to trust us when we say that we're taking control of the situation and trying to take care of it. It's not like we're just letting him frolic about Skyhold without reparations.
[That information about the Commander barely sinks in, she's so focused on Anders at the moment. Maybe it'll surface later, though.]
'Control'? Andraste's tits, Kaisa. There's no control when it comes to abominations. They're primed gaatlok barrels just waiting to go off. Just how are you going to prevent him from wiping out the fortress or the valley below if -no, when- that thing in him takes over? There's no stopping what he is, I've seen the awful result. There's nothing left in such places.
Korrin, listen. I knew Anders, before he was an abomination. I knew what he was like when he was--Just Anders. And he was a good man. He was caring, he was hilarious, he was vain--He would always preen about his appearance and whine when we went to gross ass places. Justice made him--someone different.
I'm not killing Anders because of Justice. We are going to figure out how to get that spirit out of him. And we've been talking to him, talking to Justice. Talking about what sets him off, what situations put him at risk. And he's going to have a Warden on him, day and night, keeping an eye out for those risks. And we all know what we have to do, if it comes down to it.
But, shit, Korrin. He's my friend. He's my brother-in-arms. I'm not giving up on him. Not yet.
Whatever he was like before, he's now fused with something from the Fade, something that can take over when it feels like it. Something that's already done a huge amount of damage, and could here. And we're just supposed to...what, hope you do the impossible? No one's ever 'cured' an abomination, except by cutting their fucking head off.
[Which is what they should be doing now, as her expression clearly states even more bluntly than her words.]
You know normally I'd be all for loyalty to friends and comrades-in-arms. Hell, that's my life with the Valo-Kas right then and there. But personal ties don't trump the safety of everyone else. If I became possessed, I'd expect them to do their fucking duty and take me out before I had a chance to harm anyone. Any other expectation would be the height of selfishness.
[Gritting her teeth, she looks away, trying to regain some semblance of calm. It's not working very well.]
He'd better not drag the rest of us down with him. Not the Inquisition at large and sure as hell not the mages. Any backlash we get is on his head.
[ Alistair is not all jokes all the time. He is only mostly jokes most of the time, and tonight he is instead Broody McBroodpants, glaring at the fire while he sits next to Kaisa, who must also be sitting for this, even if she doesn't usually like to sit by fires. This is my starter and I make the rules. ]
I told Gwen—that Orlesian writer— [ don't make him say her whole ridiculous name ] —I told her that I'd tell her about the Wardens if she kept us out of her serial until we'd handled Adamant.
[ Being a Warden can suck, and Kaisa figures that if Alistair is being Mr. McBroodpants, then he probably has a good reason for it. She shows emotional support by not yelling or hitting in his general direction, and instead sits quietly. Until he speaks. Then she turns, raising an eyebrow at Alistair. ]
Tell her that I like long walks on the beach, dogs, and romantic fights to the death.
Not that he's much of a laugher the rest of the time, either. But he doesn't take the opportunity to riff off of her. He sticks a foot out to nudge a log and send sparks up and doesn't say anything at all, although he is thinking so hard it's almost noisy. ]
[ More than the silence, that alerts her that there's Something Up with Alistair, something more serious than a man just needing some quiet. The casual smile on her face turns to a look of concern, and she twists her body around to fully face Alistair. ]
[ She can tell he's being serious, and she still has to restrain herself from double checking. Her face is solemn as she mulls over this, then she looks down, clearly still processing the idea. When she looks up, it's not at Alistair, it's glancing at the camp around them. No one in sight, but even so--
She stands up, a grim look on her face. ]
We shouldn't talk about this here. Not with a buncha people who aren't Wardens around.
[ Alistair looks around at all of the people who are. not actually there. But they could hypothetically arrive, he supposes, and he does not suppose that dear Kaisa would ever do anything, so he stands up to follow.
He doesn't manage to stay quiet on the way. ]
This wouldn't have happened if we'd talked to anyone about it.
[ At least she doesn't lead him away to some creepy far away corner, just to a place in the camp that's further away from the fire and the main gathering areas. And she doesn't shut up on the way, either. ]
No, 'cause if the Wardens were all chatty, we'd all have been dead centuries ago. The Wardens have been keeping quiet for a thousand years, Alistair. We didn't do that just for shits and giggles.
No, we did it because we were told to. Do you have any idea how much digging I had to do to learn anything about Corypheus? [ He kicks a chunk of ice, maturely. ] Do you have any idea what we might never find out now because they destroyed the evidence or took it to their pyres? If you do, you should tell me. I don't have an idea because they destroyed the evidence or took it to their pyres.
Someone had to give the order. I mean--is it surprising they wanted to keep Corypheus a secret? A fucking intelligent darkspawn that can apparently control us? And has delusions of godhood, to top it off! Does that sound like someone we want to have everyone and their mabari knowing about?
[ She makes a frustrated noise, because everybody sure knows now. And then kicks a bigger chunk of ice, maybe because she's upset, maybe because she wants to show off. ]
I guess it's coming back to bite us in the ass, now. But Corypheus isn't everything. The Joining, the lifespan, the--the everything, that's been kept secret since the first Wardens? You can't tell her that. You can't. We made oaths, Alistair.
[ it's almost like kaisa has a thing about ~unbroken oaths~ hyuk hyuk ]
[ Alistair kicks an even BIGGER chunk of ice--no, he doesn't he's beaten in the ice-kicking olympics. But he does glare at her chunk of ice as it skitters away in the dark. Show off. ]
[ She tenses, because even if she's a little guilty of letting things slip occasionally, well-- ]
There's a difference between a little pillow talk or sharing things with your friends, and telling everything to someone who is going to, most likely, go public with it. A book, or some bullshit like that. You can't do that, Alistair. You can't.
[ She repeats it, like it just hasn't reached his brain quite yet, but her tone is more...pleading, more intense. She takes a step towards Alistair, mouth a thin, firm line. ]
We all made promises. To keep those secrets. To protect them. I know that a lot of it isn't fun, that there are parts of it that are real messed up. But you have to stop thinking about the short term. That's what Wardens do. We do messed up, shitty things, because who else is going to? Who else is going to do the hard things, that no one wants to admit have to be done? If we took every single potential recruit and laid out the whole deal for them, how many Wardens would there be? Would you have joined anyway? What if politicians got involved, or the chantry? What if people, realizing what kind of things we had to do, stopped supporting us?
The Blight just passed, our reputation is already pretty trashed. No one cares about if there's going to be another Blight anytime soon. Think, Alistair. How far are we going to get without recruits, without resources, without support? In a few generations, when the next Blight rolls around, what will we look like?
[ Her voice is low now, moving close enough for Alistair to hear the incensed hissing, hands balled into tight fists. She may not be perfect, she may not be smart or a good leader, or much of anything besides a loyal warrior, but that loyalty is something she'll hold to until death. ]
Are you really willing to risk it all, just because you got pissy?
[ Sometime around isn't fun, Alistair's face clouds to a degree that would be considered dangerously stormy, if he were truly capable of being dangerously anything at anyone short of Loghain. Or Erimond. Or darkspawn. Or--
He's no danger to Kaisa, that's the point. But he is furious, jaw clamped shut while she lectures him, so he's primed to bite out, ] Pissy? [ with a decent amount of force, and then again, quieter and bitterly disbelieving: ] Pissy.
[ They've walked far enough. He stops. ]
Loghain would have killed all three of us in Denerim without batting an eye because he didn't see why we were so necessary. Clarel liked the idea of sacrificing every warrior under her command more than asking outsiders for help and getting a Maker-forbidden sanity check. Now we've taken over the Anderfels, and no one knows why.
[ He may not be a danger to her, but Kaisa has never seen this face, not aimed at her. It's startling, and unpleasant. If this were about anything less serious, she would probably back down--but so would have Alistair, probably. Kaisa's lips twist, because this is serious, and she's getting more and more anxious as Alistair refuses to just back down. Because she knows what she has to do, if he won't, and she'll do it, but--Maker and Andraste have mercy on her, she doesn't want to.
The clear solution here, because she's a problem-solving kind of woman, is to get more aggressive. She leans forward, a scowl on her face as she tries to look big and threatening and she kind of is both of these things, though usually not in reference to Alistair. ]
Loghain was an idiot, I think he knows more about Wardens now than he ever wanted to. Clarel was running scared and dumb. So yeah, Alistair. You're being pissy and you're being emotional and you're trying to ruin a thousand years of sacrifices and an organization that some of us fucking need. The Wardens gave me a chance that no one else would've given me, but what would you understand? Not all of us bastards got a Theirin for our missing dad. Some of us have to deal with being treated like we're less than human because, guess what, Alistair! We're less than human.
[ She straightens to her full height, which is less than Alistair, but you wouldn't think it with the way she looks at him, hands curled into fists, nearly vibrating with angry energy. ]
But at least I know how to keep my oaths. And if you don't keep yours, Alistair, I'll keep mine.
[ The words are hissed out, deadly quiet. She doesn't elaborate. She doesn't feel like she needs to. ]
[ There's a lot there he'd like to argue with. There are also several different places he'd like to--poke Kaisa, hard, with his finger, enough to leave a bruise but not to actually beat her. There's so much that it all gets caught in his throat, bottle necking, and none of it can get through, and in the pause that requires he does soften.
A little.
It's a bitter, angry softness. ]
I know I don't have many friends, [ he says, temporarily discarding everyone he's met in the last year, because there's a difference between friends you save the world with and friends who bother to keep in touch afterwards, ] but they would both gut you.
[ And it wouldn't help the Wardens' popularity. Alistair doesn't think his name is good for much outside of annoying, repetitive questions about things that aggravate his inferiority complex, but--it's good for that. ]
[ She doesn't bother to argue, but her anger seems to abate, somewhat. It's not so much the idea that she'd die--she knows that, she accepts that. Maybe it's that she wants to argue, she's his friend, too. In any other circumstance, she'd be right there, willing to take on anyone who'd hurt him. But now she has to be that person. ]
I know I'd die. That's a part of that vow. In death, sacrifice, etc etc.
[ She starts to pace, like an anxious animal in a cage. She can't go back on her oaths, this isn't about her, she has a very clear protocol to follow, one that she's seen for herself, one that she's always believed is necessary. It is necessary, she has to protect the Wardens, that's her job.
She rakes her hand through her hair, and kicks at the ground. ]
Maker damn it, Alistair, do you think I want to--? That I wouldn't deserve to have one of them come at me if I did? That I wouldn't just--just fucking let them?
[ The other Wardens had made it seem easier. There was a quiet, noble regret to it, a I Did What Must Be Done grim finality, not stomping around and throwing a fit over it. It's too many of her closely held beliefs violently colliding, her loyalty to her friends, and to the Wardens, doing the right thing and doing the good thing. She feels like a failure on both ends, for hesitating and for even considering it. ]
Well, [ Alistair says, not nearly as worked up at the idea of dying as Kaisa is at the idea of killing him, ] I guess that's a little flattering.
[ Which isn't to say he agrees or understands or has developed any intention of budging. He crosses his arms, looking at her, and gives the issue of What Will Happen If Kaisa Kills Him a few moments of respectful silence before he pushes forward with other matters: ]
So... what? You think we're going to bounce back from killing our own, and binding demons, and taking over a country? We'll have recruits who say oh, all of that is fine, but Maker forbid I drink any blood?
Well, I mean, it's not like anyone really cares about the Anderfels.
[ At least, Kaisa doesn't care, and also it's stupid and dusty, so who else would care?? ]
But seriously, do you think it'd really help? That--
[ She's still pacing, too much energy in one person's body. Finally, she stops, spinning around to face Alistair. ]
What if you just told her about that? About why the Wardens did that? How we all thought we were dying, and we were going to leave Thedas with two archdemns and no Wardens.
[ Alistair continues to look stubborn and mildly sullen while Kaisa
flits around, arms crossed and eyebrows slanted--not fidgeting or rocking
on his feet because he's diverting all of his considerable energy
into being an immovable object composed entirely of certainty.
But then she stops acting like an unstoppable force. So that means he
doesn't have to be quite so immovable, either. He pauses, considering her
like she's trying to sell him something-- ]
And why we thought so.
[ Negotiation! Maybe no one will die here. ]
That Corypheus can influence us. People need to know to be wary if Wardens
elsewhere start acting strangely.
[ Maybe Kaisa will die, just so she can continue to be a stubborn jackass. There are worse reasons to die.
But not yet! Instead, she props her hands on her hips, listening to Alistair--and nodding along. ]
I--I don't want to start a witch hunt for Wardens, and have them start getting tossed on the pyre if they're just being a little weird, [ Or Rafael and Scorpio will never come back, RIFP ] but--they should know to keep an eye out. Explain what the signs of bad shit going down are. I mean, those blank looks on their faces, like...like someone went and slapped a tranquil brand on them.
[ Despite the frown on her face, she's clearly warming up to the idea. ]
That could work. People wouldn't be confused and fearful, but they wouldn't be running us outta towns.
I suppose, [ Alistair says, suddenly tan less resentfully than he could. But still a little resentfully. Far more resentfully than he has any right to, considering the whole old god baby thing that could still come back to cause the end of the world... adorably.
Still, it's less than he'd like, but enough. For now. ]
[ She reaches out to Alistair, but if he doesn't assume this is actually a bare handed attempt on his life and stops her, then she just reaches up to ruffle his hair. Her expression is parts tired, exasperated, and relieved. ]
...Are we okay? I mean--I wouldn't blame you for being pissed.
[ Considering the whole death threat thing. ]
I just--There's so few of us left. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want history to point at us and say, 'look at those assholes, they fucked shit up good'. I've always thought, if we do what we're supposed to, if we do what we've been doing for a thousand years, if we stay the path, we'll get through this.
Nothing like this has happened before, [ Alistair says, too stubborn not to, but he shakes his head afterwards. ] We're fine. If I held a grudge against everyone who's ever considered killing me, I wouldn't have any friends at all.
He's got a few inches on me, but yeah, about. Why? Do you need me to put on his armor and pretend to be him, because I could do that. Just get me one of the Warden helmets that don't show your face, I can do his puffed chest thing and stomp around just like him.
[ Kaisa's mouth opens, then closes, then opens once more, staring at Nate with an even greater confusion. When her mouth snaps shut, she glances around, as though suspecting a crowd of ooglers. Senior Warden. She doesn't know how to feel. She's never thought of herself as Senior Warden material--and certainly, despite being nearly the same seniority as many Senior Wardens, neither did anyone else.
Even so, a voice whispers in the back of her head--is she replacing Teren? ]
Wait--Are you serious? Like--Like a real Senior Warden?
[ As opposed to the rash of fake Senior Wardens (or maybe constables) ]
action.
Dax finds Kaisa out on the grounds with assistance from helpful people with their helpful pointer fingers elsewhere, comes to a stop in front of her, and smiles. It isn't a particularly dangerous smile! And he's like six inches shorter than she is. But if she's good at accents, his is super Kirkwaller, so maybe that's a warning sign. ]
You that Warden?
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I'm a Warden, possibly That Warden, if you're looking for the most attractive one.
[ She wiggles her eyebrows at him. Who cares if he possibly wants to try punching her face in, that's not going to stop her from flirting. If flirting counts as, you know, talking about how pretty you are. ]
Warden Kaisa Daesun, at your service.
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He's actually very good at punching people, for the record. It's his thing. If he meant to genuinely hurt her, for fun or for profit, he'd do a better job of it, starting with brass knuckles. But as it is, it's meant as a message more than a blow, an open swing with no disarming or distracting jabs as preface, bareknuckled, aimed upward for her jaw. ]
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Duly noted. You got that out of your system, now?
[ She says it calmly, hand feeling where his fist landed. Her legs move as she turns to speak to him, subtly preparing for a more direct brawl if it's needed. He got his one free punch, and if he tries anything else, she'll have to deal with him. She isn't smiling anymore, but she still looks perfectly placid, still in control of the situation. ]
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You seem upset.
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No shit. There's a known abomination running around, one that already has a huge body count. Fuck anyone who thinks I'm supposed to be okay with that.
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[ Thanks for that info, Anders. ]
...But no one said you had to be okay with it. We're just asking you to trust us when we say that we're taking control of the situation and trying to take care of it. It's not like we're just letting him frolic about Skyhold without reparations.
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'Control'? Andraste's tits, Kaisa. There's no control when it comes to abominations. They're primed gaatlok barrels just waiting to go off. Just how are you going to prevent him from wiping out the fortress or the valley below if -no, when- that thing in him takes over? There's no stopping what he is, I've seen the awful result. There's nothing left in such places.
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I'm not killing Anders because of Justice. We are going to figure out how to get that spirit out of him. And we've been talking to him, talking to Justice. Talking about what sets him off, what situations put him at risk. And he's going to have a Warden on him, day and night, keeping an eye out for those risks. And we all know what we have to do, if it comes down to it.
But, shit, Korrin. He's my friend. He's my brother-in-arms. I'm not giving up on him. Not yet.
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[Which is what they should be doing now, as her expression clearly states even more bluntly than her words.]
You know normally I'd be all for loyalty to friends and comrades-in-arms. Hell, that's my life with the Valo-Kas right then and there. But personal ties don't trump the safety of everyone else. If I became possessed, I'd expect them to do their fucking duty and take me out before I had a chance to harm anyone. Any other expectation would be the height of selfishness.
[Gritting her teeth, she looks away, trying to regain some semblance of calm. It's not working very well.]
He'd better not drag the rest of us down with him. Not the Inquisition at large and sure as hell not the mages. Any backlash we get is on his head.
action!
I told Gwen—that Orlesian writer— [ don't make him say her whole ridiculous name ] —I told her that I'd tell her about the Wardens if she kept us out of her serial until we'd handled Adamant.
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Tell her that I like long walks on the beach, dogs, and romantic fights to the death.
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[ That's it.
Not that he's much of a laugher the rest of the time, either. But he doesn't take the opportunity to riff off of her. He sticks a foot out to nudge a log and send sparks up and doesn't say anything at all, although he is thinking so hard it's almost noisy. ]
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...What are you going to tell her.
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She stands up, a grim look on her face. ]
We shouldn't talk about this here. Not with a buncha people who aren't Wardens around.
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He doesn't manage to stay quiet on the way. ]
This wouldn't have happened if we'd talked to anyone about it.
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No, 'cause if the Wardens were all chatty, we'd all have been dead centuries ago. The Wardens have been keeping quiet for a thousand years, Alistair. We didn't do that just for shits and giggles.
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[ She makes a frustrated noise, because everybody sure knows now. And then kicks a bigger chunk of ice, maybe because she's upset, maybe because she wants to show off. ]
I guess it's coming back to bite us in the ass, now. But Corypheus isn't everything. The Joining, the lifespan, the--the everything, that's been kept secret since the first Wardens? You can't tell her that. You can't. We made oaths, Alistair.
[ it's almost like kaisa has a thing about ~unbroken oaths~ hyuk hyuk ]
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I already have. Just not so loudly.
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There's a difference between a little pillow talk or sharing things with your friends, and telling everything to someone who is going to, most likely, go public with it. A book, or some bullshit like that. You can't do that, Alistair. You can't.
[ She repeats it, like it just hasn't reached his brain quite yet, but her tone is more...pleading, more intense. She takes a step towards Alistair, mouth a thin, firm line. ]
We all made promises. To keep those secrets. To protect them. I know that a lot of it isn't fun, that there are parts of it that are real messed up. But you have to stop thinking about the short term. That's what Wardens do. We do messed up, shitty things, because who else is going to? Who else is going to do the hard things, that no one wants to admit have to be done? If we took every single potential recruit and laid out the whole deal for them, how many Wardens would there be? Would you have joined anyway? What if politicians got involved, or the chantry? What if people, realizing what kind of things we had to do, stopped supporting us?
The Blight just passed, our reputation is already pretty trashed. No one cares about if there's going to be another Blight anytime soon. Think, Alistair. How far are we going to get without recruits, without resources, without support? In a few generations, when the next Blight rolls around, what will we look like?
[ Her voice is low now, moving close enough for Alistair to hear the incensed hissing, hands balled into tight fists. She may not be perfect, she may not be smart or a good leader, or much of anything besides a loyal warrior, but that loyalty is something she'll hold to until death. ]
Are you really willing to risk it all, just because you got pissy?
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He's no danger to Kaisa, that's the point. But he is furious, jaw clamped shut while she lectures him, so he's primed to bite out, ] Pissy? [ with a decent amount of force, and then again, quieter and bitterly disbelieving: ] Pissy.
[ They've walked far enough. He stops. ]
Loghain would have killed all three of us in Denerim without batting an eye because he didn't see why we were so necessary. Clarel liked the idea of sacrificing every warrior under her command more than asking outsiders for help and getting a Maker-forbidden sanity check. Now we've taken over the Anderfels, and no one knows why.
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The clear solution here, because she's a problem-solving kind of woman, is to get more aggressive. She leans forward, a scowl on her face as she tries to look big and threatening and she kind of is both of these things, though usually not in reference to Alistair. ]
Loghain was an idiot, I think he knows more about Wardens now than he ever wanted to. Clarel was running scared and dumb. So yeah, Alistair. You're being pissy and you're being emotional and you're trying to ruin a thousand years of sacrifices and an organization that some of us fucking need. The Wardens gave me a chance that no one else would've given me, but what would you understand? Not all of us bastards got a Theirin for our missing dad. Some of us have to deal with being treated like we're less than human because, guess what, Alistair! We're less than human.
[ She straightens to her full height, which is less than Alistair, but you wouldn't think it with the way she looks at him, hands curled into fists, nearly vibrating with angry energy. ]
But at least I know how to keep my oaths. And if you don't keep yours, Alistair, I'll keep mine.
[ The words are hissed out, deadly quiet. She doesn't elaborate. She doesn't feel like she needs to. ]
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A little.
It's a bitter, angry softness. ]
I know I don't have many friends, [ he says, temporarily discarding everyone he's met in the last year, because there's a difference between friends you save the world with and friends who bother to keep in touch afterwards, ] but they would both gut you.
[ And it wouldn't help the Wardens' popularity. Alistair doesn't think his name is good for much outside of annoying, repetitive questions about things that aggravate his inferiority complex, but--it's good for that. ]
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[ She doesn't bother to argue, but her anger seems to abate, somewhat. It's not so much the idea that she'd die--she knows that, she accepts that. Maybe it's that she wants to argue, she's his friend, too. In any other circumstance, she'd be right there, willing to take on anyone who'd hurt him. But now she has to be that person. ]
I know I'd die. That's a part of that vow. In death, sacrifice, etc etc.
[ She starts to pace, like an anxious animal in a cage. She can't go back on her oaths, this isn't about her, she has a very clear protocol to follow, one that she's seen for herself, one that she's always believed is necessary. It is necessary, she has to protect the Wardens, that's her job.
She rakes her hand through her hair, and kicks at the ground. ]
Maker damn it, Alistair, do you think I want to--? That I wouldn't deserve to have one of them come at me if I did? That I wouldn't just--just fucking let them?
[ The other Wardens had made it seem easier. There was a quiet, noble regret to it, a I Did What Must Be Done grim finality, not stomping around and throwing a fit over it. It's too many of her closely held beliefs violently colliding, her loyalty to her friends, and to the Wardens, doing the right thing and doing the good thing. She feels like a failure on both ends, for hesitating and for even considering it. ]
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[ Which isn't to say he agrees or understands or has developed any intention of budging. He crosses his arms, looking at her, and gives the issue of What Will Happen If Kaisa Kills Him a few moments of respectful silence before he pushes forward with other matters: ]
So... what? You think we're going to bounce back from killing our own, and binding demons, and taking over a country? We'll have recruits who say oh, all of that is fine, but Maker forbid I drink any blood?
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[ At least, Kaisa doesn't care, and also it's stupid and dusty, so who else would care?? ]
But seriously, do you think it'd really help? That--
[ She's still pacing, too much energy in one person's body. Finally, she stops, spinning around to face Alistair. ]
What if you just told her about that? About why the Wardens did that? How we all thought we were dying, and we were going to leave Thedas with two archdemns and no Wardens.
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[ Alistair continues to look stubborn and mildly sullen while Kaisa flits around, arms crossed and eyebrows slanted--not fidgeting or rocking on his feet because he's diverting all of his considerable energy into being an immovable object composed entirely of certainty.
But then she stops acting like an unstoppable force. So that means he doesn't have to be quite so immovable, either. He pauses, considering her like she's trying to sell him something-- ]
And why we thought so.
[ Negotiation! Maybe no one will die here. ]
That Corypheus can influence us. People need to know to be wary if Wardens elsewhere start acting strangely.
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But not yet! Instead, she props her hands on her hips, listening to Alistair--and nodding along. ]
I--I don't want to start a witch hunt for Wardens, and have them start getting tossed on the pyre if they're just being a little weird, [ Or Rafael and Scorpio will never come back, RIFP ] but--they should know to keep an eye out. Explain what the signs of bad shit going down are. I mean, those blank looks on their faces, like...like someone went and slapped a tranquil brand on them.
[ Despite the frown on her face, she's clearly warming up to the idea. ]
That could work. People wouldn't be confused and fearful, but they wouldn't be running us outta towns.
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suddenly tanless resentfully than he could. But still a little resentfully. Far more resentfully than he has any right to, considering the whole old god baby thing that could still come back to cause the end of the world... adorably.Still, it's less than he'd like, but enough. For now. ]
So... can I live?
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[ She reaches out to Alistair, but if he doesn't assume this is actually a bare handed attempt on his life and stops her, then she just reaches up to ruffle his hair. Her expression is parts tired, exasperated, and relieved. ]
...Are we okay? I mean--I wouldn't blame you for being pissed.
[ Considering the whole death threat thing. ]
I just--There's so few of us left. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want history to point at us and say, 'look at those assholes, they fucked shit up good'. I've always thought, if we do what we're supposed to, if we do what we've been doing for a thousand years, if we stay the path, we'll get through this.
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Crystal
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[A deliberate, dramatic pause.]
I need to borrow a dress for him to wear as he walks a tightrope.
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He can't walk a tightrope. He's got the grace of a large bear.
But Andraste's ass, I'll donate a dress to watch him try.
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As a bonus, he's doing it on Nate's birthday. Though he doesn't know it, and I'd like to keep that from him.
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[He's not going to outright say that he worries about not being good enough for Nate, but he worries.]
...I've actually not done any research on Fereldan birthday traditions, or been exposed to many. Is there anything else he'd expect?
in Kirkwall
Warden Kaisa. I need to speak with you.
[He's wasting no time.]
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...I'm sorry and I promise I'll never do it again...?
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Even so, a voice whispers in the back of her head--is she replacing Teren? ]
Wait--Are you serious? Like--Like a real Senior Warden?
[ As opposed to the rash of fake Senior Wardens (or maybe constables) ]