unbrokenoath | (no subject)

Someone had to give the order. I mean--is it surprising they wanted to keep Corypheus a secret? A fucking intelligent darkspawn that can apparently control us? And has delusions of godhood, to top it off! Does that sound like someone we want to have everyone and their mabari knowing about?

[ She makes a frustrated noise, because everybody sure knows now. And then kicks a bigger chunk of ice, maybe because she's upset, maybe because she wants to show off. ]

I guess it's coming back to bite us in the ass, now. But Corypheus isn't everything. The Joining, the lifespan, the--the everything, that's been kept secret since the first Wardens? You can't tell her that. You can't. We made oaths, Alistair.

[ it's almost like kaisa has a thing about ~unbroken oaths~ hyuk hyuk ]

[ Alistair kicks an even BIGGER chunk of ice--no, he doesn't he's beaten in the ice-kicking olympics. But he does glare at her chunk of ice as it skitters away in the dark. Show off. ]

I already have. Just not so loudly.

[ She tenses, because even if she's a little guilty of letting things slip occasionally, well-- ]

There's a difference between a little pillow talk or sharing things with your friends, and telling everything to someone who is going to, most likely, go public with it. A book, or some bullshit like that. You can't do that, Alistair. You can't.

[ She repeats it, like it just hasn't reached his brain quite yet, but her tone is more...pleading, more intense. She takes a step towards Alistair, mouth a thin, firm line. ]

We all made promises. To keep those secrets. To protect them. I know that a lot of it isn't fun, that there are parts of it that are real messed up. But you have to stop thinking about the short term. That's what Wardens do. We do messed up, shitty things, because who else is going to? Who else is going to do the hard things, that no one wants to admit have to be done? If we took every single potential recruit and laid out the whole deal for them, how many Wardens would there be? Would you have joined anyway? What if politicians got involved, or the chantry? What if people, realizing what kind of things we had to do, stopped supporting us?

The Blight just passed, our reputation is already pretty trashed. No one cares about if there's going to be another Blight anytime soon. Think, Alistair. How far are we going to get without recruits, without resources, without support? In a few generations, when the next Blight rolls around, what will we look like?

[ Her voice is low now, moving close enough for Alistair to hear the incensed hissing, hands balled into tight fists. She may not be perfect, she may not be smart or a good leader, or much of anything besides a loyal warrior, but that loyalty is something she'll hold to until death. ]

Are you really willing to risk it all, just because you got pissy?

[ Sometime around isn't fun, Alistair's face clouds to a degree that would be considered dangerously stormy, if he were truly capable of being dangerously anything at anyone short of Loghain. Or Erimond. Or darkspawn. Or--

He's no danger to Kaisa, that's the point. But he is furious, jaw clamped shut while she lectures him, so he's primed to bite out, ] Pissy? [ with a decent amount of force, and then again, quieter and bitterly disbelieving: ] Pissy.

[ They've walked far enough. He stops. ]

Loghain would have killed all three of us in Denerim without batting an eye because he didn't see why we were so necessary. Clarel liked the idea of sacrificing every warrior under her command more than asking outsiders for help and getting a Maker-forbidden sanity check. Now we've taken over the Anderfels, and no one knows why.

[ He may not be a danger to her, but Kaisa has never seen this face, not aimed at her. It's startling, and unpleasant. If this were about anything less serious, she would probably back down--but so would have Alistair, probably. Kaisa's lips twist, because this is serious, and she's getting more and more anxious as Alistair refuses to just back down. Because she knows what she has to do, if he won't, and she'll do it, but--Maker and Andraste have mercy on her, she doesn't want to.

The clear solution here, because she's a problem-solving kind of woman, is to get more aggressive. She leans forward, a scowl on her face as she tries to look big and threatening and she kind of is both of these things, though usually not in reference to Alistair. ]

Loghain was an idiot, I think he knows more about Wardens now than he ever wanted to. Clarel was running scared and dumb. So yeah, Alistair. You're being pissy and you're being emotional and you're trying to ruin a thousand years of sacrifices and an organization that some of us fucking need. The Wardens gave me a chance that no one else would've given me, but what would you understand? Not all of us bastards got a Theirin for our missing dad. Some of us have to deal with being treated like we're less than human because, guess what, Alistair! We're less than human.

[ She straightens to her full height, which is less than Alistair, but you wouldn't think it with the way she looks at him, hands curled into fists, nearly vibrating with angry energy. ]

But at least I know how to keep my oaths. And if you don't keep yours, Alistair, I'll keep mine.

[ The words are hissed out, deadly quiet. She doesn't elaborate. She doesn't feel like she needs to. ]

[ There's a lot there he'd like to argue with. There are also several different places he'd like to--poke Kaisa, hard, with his finger, enough to leave a bruise but not to actually beat her. There's so much that it all gets caught in his throat, bottle necking, and none of it can get through, and in the pause that requires he does soften.

A little.

It's a bitter, angry softness. ]

I know I don't have many friends, [ he says, temporarily discarding everyone he's met in the last year, because there's a difference between friends you save the world with and friends who bother to keep in touch afterwards, ] but they would both gut you.

[ And it wouldn't help the Wardens' popularity. Alistair doesn't think his name is good for much outside of annoying, repetitive questions about things that aggravate his inferiority complex, but--it's good for that. ]

I know.

[ She doesn't bother to argue, but her anger seems to abate, somewhat. It's not so much the idea that she'd die--she knows that, she accepts that. Maybe it's that she wants to argue, she's his friend, too. In any other circumstance, she'd be right there, willing to take on anyone who'd hurt him. But now she has to be that person. ]

I know I'd die. That's a part of that vow. In death, sacrifice, etc etc.

[ She starts to pace, like an anxious animal in a cage. She can't go back on her oaths, this isn't about her, she has a very clear protocol to follow, one that she's seen for herself, one that she's always believed is necessary. It is necessary, she has to protect the Wardens, that's her job.

She rakes her hand through her hair, and kicks at the ground. ]

Maker damn it, Alistair, do you think I want to--? That I wouldn't deserve to have one of them come at me if I did? That I wouldn't just--just fucking let them?

[ The other Wardens had made it seem easier. There was a quiet, noble regret to it, a I Did What Must Be Done grim finality, not stomping around and throwing a fit over it. It's too many of her closely held beliefs violently colliding, her loyalty to her friends, and to the Wardens, doing the right thing and doing the good thing. She feels like a failure on both ends, for hesitating and for even considering it. ]

Well, [ Alistair says, not nearly as worked up at the idea of dying as Kaisa is at the idea of killing him, ] I guess that's a little flattering.

[ Which isn't to say he agrees or understands or has developed any intention of budging. He crosses his arms, looking at her, and gives the issue of What Will Happen If Kaisa Kills Him a few moments of respectful silence before he pushes forward with other matters: ]

So... what? You think we're going to bounce back from killing our own, and binding demons, and taking over a country? We'll have recruits who say oh, all of that is fine, but Maker forbid I drink any blood?

Well, I mean, it's not like anyone really cares about the Anderfels.

[ At least, Kaisa doesn't care, and also it's stupid and dusty, so who else would care?? ]

But seriously, do you think it'd really help? That--

[ She's still pacing, too much energy in one person's body. Finally, she stops, spinning around to face Alistair. ]

What if you just told her about that? About why the Wardens did that? How we all thought we were dying, and we were going to leave Thedas with two archdemns and no Wardens.

[ Alistair continues to look stubborn and mildly sullen while Kaisa flits around, arms crossed and eyebrows slanted--not fidgeting or rocking on his feet because he's diverting all of his considerable energy into being an immovable object composed entirely of certainty.

But then she stops acting like an unstoppable force. So that means he doesn't have to be quite so immovable, either. He pauses, considering her like she's trying to sell him something-- ]

And why we thought so.

[ Negotiation! Maybe no one will die here. ]

That Corypheus can influence us. People need to know to be wary if Wardens elsewhere start acting strangely.

[ Maybe Kaisa will die, just so she can continue to be a stubborn jackass. There are worse reasons to die.

But not yet! Instead, she props her hands on her hips, listening to Alistair--and nodding along. ]

I--I don't want to start a witch hunt for Wardens, and have them start getting tossed on the pyre if they're just being a little weird, [ Or Rafael and Scorpio will never come back, RIFP ] but--they should know to keep an eye out. Explain what the signs of bad shit going down are. I mean, those blank looks on their faces, like...like someone went and slapped a tranquil brand on them.

[ Despite the frown on her face, she's clearly warming up to the idea. ]

That could work. People wouldn't be confused and fearful, but they wouldn't be running us outta towns.

I suppose, [ Alistair says, ~~suddenly tan~~ less resentfully than he could. But still a little resentfully. Far more resentfully than he has any right to, considering the whole old god baby thing that could still come back to cause the end of the world... adorably.

Still, it's less than he'd like, but enough. For now. ]

So... can I live?

No. It's illegal t' be a smartass.

[ She reaches out to Alistair, but if he doesn't assume this is actually a bare handed attempt on his life and stops her, then she just reaches up to ruffle his hair. Her expression is parts tired, exasperated, and relieved. ]

...Are we okay? I mean--I wouldn't blame you for being pissed.

[ Considering the whole death threat thing. ]

I just--There's so few of us left. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want history to point at us and say, 'look at those assholes, they fucked shit up good'. I've always thought, if we do what we're supposed to, if we do what we've been doing for a thousand years, if we stay the path, we'll get through this.

Nothing like this has happened before, [ Alistair says, too stubborn not to, but he shakes his head afterwards. ] We're fine. If I held a grudge against everyone who's ever considered killing me, I wouldn't have any friends at all.